Saturday, August 8, 2009

How To Read Someone's Fortune

There are a few ways.

Look intently at them as if you know something about them. You probably already do. They are dressed nice, they are dressed poorly, they are dressed like the asshole who side-swiped your car this morning, or they are dressed like your grandmother the day that your grandfather proposed to her. Then tell them what you see in them.

To a man drunk on his lunchbreak from the office: "I see a sad turn of events in terms of your working environment. If you don't change your life, you could end up getting fired."

To an over-dressed woman at 5pm: "Your love life will flare up, but it is uncertain whether the future will hold a lasting love or a flash in the pan."

To a child-"You are your own fortune. Write it and read it yourself. Forget the slut ready to jump on any guy in town, forget the drunk who can't spell 'chickadee' when he is sober, not because of idiocy but because his hands shake to much to hold a pen or to type on a computer. Forget everything they taught you. You are the future, child. I am sure you know who the Beatles are by now. All you need is love. Or was that a line from ---?"

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